My Son's are my World

I had actually started a post last night, letting out all my frustrations and fears having to do with my boys and their fathers.  However, after talking to my sister, I have now found that some of rants are no longer valid.

I found out a few months ago that my oldest's father actually went to the local press to whine about his 'problems'.  I could not believe that people felt so bad for him that they actually gave him money to fly out here to get the child.  For reference, you can find the stories here here and here.

It's the normal, one sided, let's all pretend this is true because it's in print.  It has taken every ounce of willpower to not respond to these articles.

Before my son left to go see his father this summer my lawyer and I made it clear that I did not want the child getting in the middle of this.  And surprise! the press was there to meet them off the plane.  Pictures and more bull hooey stories.  What is he trying to accomplish with this?  How is this going to show a child anything positive? The only good news about any of this is that the article written when they arrived is no longer available online.  The pictures are still out there, of course, because once something hits the Internet, there is no going back.

I have never understood how some people can put on such a show to try and make people think that they are amazing people and deserve the world handed to them.  Someone who spent all his money on diving trips and motorcycles that he couldn't pay child support for a whole year.  The person who claims that he can not afford to do anything for the child now, yet can still afford to take him to Italy (which I didn't know about either, but that's another story) and then get two dogs.  He can afford the most expensive flights and to buy my son clothes that he hates (his father won't let him wear what he likes...superheroes, Minecraft, camo, the normal stuff for a 7 year old).

No one has yet bothered to ask me why we are in this situation.  Why are we no longer together? Why am I now in another country with the child?  There is no much more to tell then a paper can do in a simple little article.  I have always had very little faith in the media and can now admit that I have even less.  I have always questioned what I see and hear, but now I fear I will no longer believe a thing I don't know about first hand.

This whole situation has made me quite glad that my second child's father simply walked out the door, never to be heard from.  Sure, it may be harder financially for us, but emotionally I think the three of us are kicking ass!!

Why a Blog?

I have been asked why I want to keep a blog.  I can understand why I would be asked that.  No one even knows about this yet, so why do I do it?

That is one of the simplest things for me to answer.  I do it for me.  

There are some days that I just want to vent and I might go on and on about what happened in my day to frustrate me.  Being a mom of 2 boys can be a little straining sometimes and this is a great way to let the feelings out.

There are other days, like I had yesterday, where all I want to do it write.  I often have nothing to say, but there is something about the actual act of typing that seems to relax me these days.  I know that I do not really have anything of note to say, and that what does end up here might even bore someone to tears!  But that is not my problem.  As I said, this is for me.  If others seem to take an interest, then good for them.  I don't mine.  I know that with a previous online journal, I love to write it in, and hear other points of view.  There were some great discussion had and friends made.

Then there are the days that I find I have something that needs to be said (I have a few posts of the sort here, just not sure if I want to make them public yet, just in case someone does find this).  Not one to write a 'Letter to the Editor', it is quite nice to have a place to put strong feelings and thoughts.

I think these are the main reasons that I miss the old journal.  It gave me something to do and look back on.  And it was mine.  I'm not really a very good writer as I do tend to rant and skip around topics.  A 'normal' person might not even think that what I say makes sense!  

But my blog is just that.  Mine.  What is yours to you?